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by Ted Mooney
April 29, 1999
Some years ago, regional water shortages became more commonplace,
and restaurants jumped at the idea of only serving water when
specifically asked. They never mentioned that this saved them money;
rather, their menu inserts solemnly wrote of their desire to do this
out of a deep abiding love for the environment.
More recently, motels too became deeply and solemnly concerned,
and determined that washing guest linens less frequently would be the
sacrament they would partake of in their selfless mission to save the
earth.
Motivation aside, at least there was some potential environmental
benefit.
On to the present. We all get monthly bills from the phone company
and credit card companies, and many of them are asking us to mark a
checkbox if we want our bills printed on both sides of the paper, so
that we can together save the environment. Lots of us are marking the
checkbox. But by some foul coincidence the envelopes are fat as ever.
Enter, stage left, that modern miracle, the "inserter".
As your freshly printed bill flies along the conveyor belt faster
than the eye can see, the inserter weighs it in transit. See, it
costs $.243 in postage to mail a bill, and for that $.243 they can
mail up to one ounce. Deducting from the one ounce limit the
newly-reduced weight of your double-sided bill, the miracle device
packs your envelope with however many promotional inserts will fit
within a microgram of the weight limit.
The hand is quicker than the eye, the inserter is quicker than the
mind. How many trees was it again that they promised to save?
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